Why am I up at 2am?

Originally Posted on February 6, 2008


Testing, testing... can anybody hear me? Well here we are, burning the 2am oil in the hopes of some brilliant revelations that only strike us when the snow has turned to ice and there's about a foot of at your back door. I will have to be at work in about 8 hours though, so let's not mince words too much.

Updates:
The Giants defeated the Patriots in what I'm sure has to be the best game experience I've had in a long time. I think I can honestly say I feel better about this win then I did when the Colts won last year, because everyone I knew, save one person, was hoping and praying for a Patriots loss. There was a great sense of unity, that doesn't come that often. And for a few days it seemed as though everything was going to be right with the world from now on.
Alas, things don't stay that way, but things don't really get that bad either. I'm in a house I love, with a roommate who is better for me than most girlfriends I have had. I feel more like myself now then I have in a good long time, and it feels comforting. I feel like I'm really at a good turning point in my life that has been a while in coming. To this end I have some things to say that may not make much sense to everyone who reads this, but may make sense to the people they are directed toward.
I've always been fascinated with the AA twelve step program because it seems like a good model for changing your life regardless of whether you are an alcoholic or not. One step in particular stands out to me, which is the one where you ask forgiveness for past wrongs from the people you have wronged. I guess these are the things that keep me up at 2am when I should be sleeping, so let's put them out there.
To Ana Kay - I'm sorry I never called or wrote you after I didn't come visit. We haven't spoken since then, and it bugs me a lot whenever I think about it because I wonder where you are and what you're doing and if you're happy. I lost a friend because I was afraid you would be mad at me. For that I'm sorry.
To Casey - I'm sorry I left before you could have a conversation with me about what I wrote. I always felt that was the tipping point for us, and that we could have become good friends if I had stayed. I was shy, and it was hard for me to accept that you might actually be interested in what I had to say. I also had a pretty big crush on you at the time, and the run away and don't talk scenario seemed easiest.
To Erin - You always deserved someone better, and I hope you found that person. I am sorry I was never the man you needed me to be. I just pretended to be that person because it was what you wanted.
To Eric - I didn't know what to say when our friendship ended. And I never knew what to say when I saw you after that. You were a great friend, and I'm sorry neither of us was able to maintain that.
To Elisa - I don't know what you must think of me, but I know you were upset by things that I said and wrote. I'm sorry that those things hurt your feelings, or made you mad. They were intended as my own ramblings, and foolish though they may have been, they weren't meant to hurt anyone. I'm sorry to you, and anyone else who may have read them and been upset.
To Gillian - I've said it before, but what I did never leaves my heart. I'm sorry.
To Tiffany - I treated you so poorly that I don't think I can ever really apologize for it enough. I hope that wherever you are you are happy, and have regained some of the confidence to reach your full potential.

Okay, so I'm starting to sound like I've screwed over a lot of women. Which I guess I have. I've really only ever been friends with women, so there the ones I've got to screw over. I'm gonna stop now, and maybe pick this exercise up at a later date. I should think on this some more and really get clear about what I want to say to the rest of these folks.

Didn't mean for this to be such a downer everybody.
Here's a riddle to end with, 10 points if you can tell me A. what the answer is B. where it's from: "If the Planet were equitable, I'd still have my old job."